Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Speaking of Romance

Okay, having now blabbed to the entire world about how bad my sex life is (and incidentally revealed how pathetic I can be), I feel like I should mention another good thing about my partner.

My partner is mostly not very romantic. He doesn't talk about his feelings easily. He is not much of a talker in general. I hate to resort to bad cliches, but he really is tall, dark and brooding. He really is the strong and silent type. In fact, he seems to talk less and less as the years go on. Most evenings, when I came home from work, he doesn't even ask me how my day was. We commune in silence like Trappist monks.

But the man knows how to make his words count.

For three years, while we were broken up, I wondered if I had done the right thing. He was still my best friend. I still loved him. I missed him. Sometimes I would lie awake thinking about how I would never feel his lips on mine, how we would never make love again, how I would never again turn over in the night and have the comfort, the solidity of his presence beside me. I ached. I yearned. And the sex I was chasing seemed, well, kind of stupid in comparison.

And we were not one of those ex-couples who go for ambiguity. Since the day we had broken up, we had never kissed, never slept together, never even touched each other's hands.

So bear in mind that, when I finally asked him if he'd ever thought of getting back together, I had absolutely no idea whether he had ever thought of it at all. I had no idea whether he could ever forgive me. And he looked thoughtful, and squinted as if trying to examine the minuteness of the possiblity of such a thing, and said:

"I've thought about it every hour of every day for the last three years".

And not long ago, he wrote me this song:

Sweet Love Song

If I could sing a sweet love song for you
You'd know my love will be forever true
It would take the purest melody
To show the world just what you mean to me.

If I could take a rainbow from the sky
Maybe I could paint the love that's in your eyes
A sonnet penned with words in perfect rhyme
Could celebrate your beauty though all time.

But all these things I know I'll never do
So how can I ever prove my love to you?

I can only hope these simple words convey
The love that grows in me from day to day
If you can see my love is true and strong
I'll know you've understood my sweet love song.

Okay, so its kind of sappy, I know, but not too bad for the unromantic silent guy! I was so touched that, if he was any other man, I would have had to have sex with him immediately...


Blogger Rob said...

"He doesn't talk about his feelings easily."

A lot of us guys are like that, Emily, but it sure as hell doesn't mean that we're not constantly inwardly brooding and thinking about them nevertheless. Trust me.

7:52 AM  
Blogger Brown Bear said...

Amen to that Rob!

And sometimes, Emily, when things are really bothering me (especially if it's things about my relationship or sex with WB) then I need go into my shell.
Silent on the outside, but inside - loads going on!

5:18 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

I sort of wish I thought my partner was the same. And sometimes he is. But most of the time, in moments when he is looking particularly intense and preoccupied and I ask him what he is thinking, it turns out that he is thinking about his soccer team's fixture list, or some obscure trivia fact about music, or something like that.

Could it be that he is not telling the truth?

5:31 AM  

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