Friday, December 22, 2006

Making the First Move

While I was on holiday, in honour of the Christmas season, I made an attempt to do something about my ongoing spiritual crisis.

I sat on the verandah of the lake house and prayed, sort of, for the first time in a long time. I said:

God, if you exist and you love me, I am here and I open my heart to you.

That was about it. I found that I really didn't have anything else to say.

Then we asked my friends from my old intentional community (John and Sapphira, one a Catholic and one a Quaker) to be my Little Dude's godparents. I have a lot of confidence in them that they can exercise a positive spiritual influence on my boy, and even on me, without trying to fill his head with crap.

And this Christmas, I will make an effort to go to church and to listen in a positive spirit.

If I had anything else to say to God, it would be:

God, this is what we humans call making the first move. It's your turn, now.

10 Comments:

Blogger oblivion said...

Have a great Christmas Emily. I hope you get the answers you are searching for.

Ob

5:47 PM  
Blogger F2 said...

Emily,

Have you thought it possible that God has already made the first move in grabbing your attention through this crisis?

Just a thought.

I hope you enjoy a wonderful holiday with your family. And just maybe a couple more sleep-in days... :)

11:29 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

God's move is in giving you the strength to make the right moves for yourself throughout life. As the old saying goes: God helps those who help themselves. It's that simple really.

6:27 AM  
Blogger oldbear said...

Hi Emily, i hope you can feel God's presence in the many good things you do every day, and the way you try to treat your family so well :-).

As God's sweetest blessings for the NOW are in his gifts of joy like living with your mom, one of the gifts of the future is beign able to KNOW that despite the hardness of it all, you dealt with life to the best of your abilities at the time. Gives you the peace adn pride to respect yor walk in life!(dont ahve to be perfect, or even at your own best all the time)

(Lost mom when I was a teen- I see the joy inhaving mum close to you! :-) Lost dad a few years ago, saw how he was glad he had lived right and took care of mom best he could, even as her refusal/inability to stop smoking was bringing her life to a taxing, trying premature end!


I am sorry this is all so dannged hard on you!


Love , empathy, and solace to you, and you all! OB.

8:26 PM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

I hope all goes well and you find an answer to your prayer

4:24 AM  
Blogger The Visitor said...

Hello Emily,

Wishing Big Dude, Little Dude and you a Happy and Merry Christmas.

PS: You are searching too hard.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Ali said...

Merry Christmas Emily!
I'm hoping you'll find some kind of answers. I'm looking too, and I find that clear answers are few and far between, but still we have to try... If we understood, it just wouldn't be God, now would it?

10:51 PM  
Blogger The Visitor said...

A link for you Emily -
Link

8:47 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Oblivion and Ali - Thanks. I'm not sure I need answers so much as a sense of God's presence in my life.

F2- It's possible. I'm open to that idea.

Rob- I'm sure that's true. I think God is somewhere in those intuitions I have about my life and where it should go.

Oldbear - Thanks, I agree. I do feel best when I am DOING my best.

Visitor - Trying too hard is one of the themes of my life! And I was having the very same thoughts about fathers yesterday!

You are all very clever and sympathetic. Thanks for not laughing at me! To tell the truth, I always feel rather ridiculous when I talk about God.

2:28 PM  
Blogger Digger Jones said...

You might not realize it, but I find you are at your best when talking about God. You are honest and not pretentious. Confronting and questioning God is okay...just be prepared to be humbled in the answer.

D.

7:41 PM  

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