The Mercy Fuck

FTN has asked a very interesting question:

Can a GUY really give a "mercy f**k?" (Now, why can't I just type that out?) Wouldn't his physical ability to have sex at all give some indication of his pleasure and enjoyment in the experience? Just wondering.

I see what you mean, but the answer is yes.

I do not think that the mercy fuck completely precludes any arousal or enjoyment on the part of the fucker. The essential quality of the mercy fuck, in my opinion, is the desperation and humiliation of the fuckee.

A mercy fuck from a man, just to draw on one of my own painful experiences, goes something like this. The man is asleep. He wakes to find his woman weeping in the dark because it has been so long. She is weeping from frustration, sadness, and a deep belief that she must be the most unattractive woman on earth to be so neglected. He asks what is wrong. She chokes out "You know whats wrong". He sighs, realizes that it has been, say, six months, and that he has been so enjoying his freedom from his obligations that he may have gone too far. He feels sorry for her, poor thing. He wipes her tears away and he fucks her.

And possibly, he feels some small amount of attraction to her. He probably wouldn't be in a relationship with her if he didn't. Possibly he even gets some slight enjoyment from it. And he feels better afterwards, like he has done his bit. He may or may not have had any pleasure, but he has probably relieved his guilt.

But for the fuckee, she does not feel better. This is because she knows that the fuck has been "provided" solely on the basis of feelings of pity. Her partner has nobly helped someone less fortunate than himself by "giving her what she wants". It is not a mutual experience of desire or love or tenderness. It is a hand-out.

Somehow, a relationship that was once equal and mutually satisfying, in which you were both givers and receivers, has become transformed. You have worked hard on the relationship, you have fulfilled every possible obligation, you have poured out your love and encouragement to your partner, you have been faithful despite much provocation. And your reward is that you have gradually been reduced to the status of a hanger-on who gets the occasional crumb from the table of plenty. You have become a beggar in the house of love.

In my experience, you only get a mercy fuck when you are so desperate, so depressed, that you arouse, not desire, not even affection, but pity. And in most cases, it fuels your depression because it confirms that you are so undesirable that the only way of getting some is by begging.

You don't have to literally beg to be mercy fucked. You can even take some small pride in not even asking. It can take the form of trying to be attractive to someone you know doesn't want to be attracted. It can take the form of trying to touch someone you know doesn't want to be touched. It can take the form of smiling sweetly and taking whatever shit they're currently handing out in the hope of getting laid. It can take the form of a general meltdown of weeping and reproaches (the classic female approach). It can take the form of being so grumpy and sour that you are becoming impossible to live with (the classic male approach).

But it is begging all the same. You have become a beggar. And in fact, the final humiliation of the mercy fuck is not just that you are so desperate as to arouse this kind of pity, but that you are so desperate you accept it.

Actually, maybe thats NOT the final humiliation. Maybe, just to throw in a completely gratuitous level of suffering, having taught you to survive on crumbs, they get to call YOU selfish. And maybe you suck it up because, hey, it might get you another one.

Now you really are fucking pitiful. Not just in their eyes, but in your own. Now your humiliation really is complete.

Excuse my strong language, but, you know, I have strong feelings on this subject.