Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Arse Dragging

The Little Dude is still suffering and there is still a lot of crying and grizzling, especially at night. Sleep is at a premium around here, and I'm not getting any!

It has coincided with my job ramping up and my having to work many more hours than usual for at least the next month, when our policy project is finally completed and publicly released. And with the Big Dude needing a lot of support because he is still recovering from the virus from hell, as am I.

The Big Dude and I are looking at each other, half-stunned and half-resentful. We both think the other should be doing more. He thinks I should be able to control my work hours and look after him and our baby more. I am wishing he could hold the fort more at home. My boss is being infuriating, making last-ditch attempt to revive options he wanted that were rejected months ago and just creating a lot more work that I know will go nowhere

My arse is seriously dragging. I talk myself into getting up for the Little Dude. I make myself stay at work until the job is done. I force myself to smile and be nice to the Big Dude and cook dinner and clean up afterwards and do the laundry. But it is all happening in a not-quite-nightmare, where I have turned into an unappreciated drudge and all the wailing just confirms that everything has mysteriously turned to shit.

Truly, all I want in the world at this moment is for the crying to stop, to eat a decent meal cooked by someone other than me, and to have a passionate reunion with my pillow, in which I sleep and sleep. Oh, my pillow! I am missing you so much!

6 Comments:

Blogger Tajalude said...

Ok, I'm sorry I spent the past 2 day whining about my insignificant sleep issues. You win! (Or lose, however you want to see it.)

Hang in there!! This too shall end... right??

: )

9:01 PM  
Blogger Satan said...

I hope you've already had your reunion and some sweet, sweet dreams!

3:26 AM  
Blogger Rob said...

Just wondering Emily, I really sympathsize with all that you're going through these days, but are there no relatives in your family or friends that can spare a few hours to help you and the Big Dude out in any little ways? Must it all fall on your shoulders?

3:26 AM  
Blogger freebird said...

Hang in there girl, it'll pass.

Emily, sorry to bother you (well maybe this'll take your mind off your problems for a couple of seconds)... Did you email me? And did you get my reply? Or do we have an imposter? Quick yea or nay here will be enough, thanks.
Hope you feel better soon. xxx

5:57 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

This reminds me a lot of Molly, and it's one of the huge reasons I'm so grateful for having her in my life. An inordinate share of the day-to-day operations of a family falls on the mom, almost by the nature of things. As much as I can do to pitch in and try to lighten her load (and unlike the Big Dude, I'm healthy), she still winds up carrying more of the load.

So my heart goes out to you, Emily; and I admire you for your determination to keep things going for your family. Sounds like a lot of the burden is temporary, if you can just get through it; but that's not much comfort, I know.

Hang in there. . .

9:03 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

Taja - You don't seem to do much whining. I, on the other hand, sometimes think that I could whine for Australia :-)

Satan - Well, five hours before, but not quite four last night. But still, its something at least!

Rob - You have put your finger on a big issue for us right now. Since we moved to Canberra for my job, we are away from all members of my family and the kind of longer-term friends who are also starting families and would be good support. So unfortunately, at the moment, the answer is no.

Family members and most close friends are too far away, in another state. Other female friends who would normally be potential candidates all seem to be going through significant problems of their own at the moment - illness, divorce, moving house, new child, etc. And my other friends are the kind of carefree young things who are fun to be around but can't really be left alone with a baby or a sick man.

So, yes, there is just me, at the moment!

Des - This time is temporary, I know, we just have to get through it.

I'm sure Molly appreciates your appreciation! Personally, I find that just a little spontaneous kiss or hug or word of thanks makes a huge difference to how I feel about carrying most of the load. Sadly, appreciation, like sleep, is in short supply around here at the moment!

1:28 PM  

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