Wednesday, October 11, 2006


The Little Dude woke up at 4am today. And even though the morning shift is my job, the Big Dude stayed up and let me sleep in until almost 6am.

This is the kind of gesture that reminds me of all the reasons I truly love my Big Dude. He is kind. He makes these little generous, considerate gestures and he makes them often. I thanked him and gave him a warm and loving kiss to let him know how much I appreciate him.

Sometimes I wonder if I say enough here about what a good man my Big Dude is. It is in the nature of a blog that it is the place where I let out all my secret thoughts and frustrations and say all the things I can't say in real life.

To say things like: If he just had more of a desire to fuck me occasionally, he would be perfect!

And things like: I am day-dreaming about a man who makes love to me so beautifully, so tenderly that it is bringing tears to my eyes. I am also day-dreaming about a man who takes me so passionately and fucks me so hard that my head is pounding against the wall!

And things like: Sometimes I just need sex so badly, I could scream!

And things like: I am going just a teensy bit crazy here. One of these days, I am going to completely lose it and the guy who delivers the groceries to our house is going to get more than he bargained for!


Anonymous LePhare said...

I have an 82 year old neighbour who advertises for male companionship. Even she is beginning to look attractive to me....... on second thoughts, I think I will stick to the Merlot.

5:02 PM  
Blogger Fiona said...

Does advertising work then?

Licks the lead in my pencil and considers composing something *L*

I dunno Emily I've had such long periods of celibacy I sometimes forget what it's for!!!

8:08 PM  
Blogger C-Marie said...

I day dream with you, as well!!

3:09 AM  
Blogger shattered said...

You know Emily you have written a post that could easily have been written about my life.

My husband is a kind and gentle man. He lets me sleep in on weekends and when I get home from work just lets me chill, taking care of the kids so I can unwind.

Sex is usually great but then there is this secret yearning within me for more passion and more frequency.

Maybe it is our age and that we are in the sexual prime of our life.

8:31 AM  
Blogger freebird said...

Other side of the world, but at your age I was in the same place.

9:25 AM  
Blogger trueself said...

Been there, done that.

Unfortunately, when W stopped doing the kind, gentle, wonderful things, that's when it truly became unbearable. Sounds like you've got a keeper in the Big Dude.

9:34 AM  
Blogger O272 said...

Where do I sign up to get my groceries delivered?!

12:01 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

So that's the question: how do you define kindness? Is it the guy who will stay up nights with the kids (be they sick or not), the guy who unasked will regularly do household chores around the house, the guy who will every so often surprise his lady with a special night out, a guy who will let his girl have her way (even when she may well be in the wrong), or is it the guy who is only a "lean mean fucking machine" in the bedroom? Given that not every guy out there has all of these of these qualities, which would you choose? Btw, besides all of the above, I also make grocery deliveries! (evil grin)

3:53 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

LePhare - Thank God you said that. For a while there, I was thinking you must be some kind of saint who might disapprove of a woman like me!

Fiona, C-Marie, Shattered, Freebird - I know just what you mean! Frankly, my sexual peak is just being wasted.

Trueself - Yes, it is truly sad that he stopped, and I can really see how that would make it unbearable. The occasional spoonful of sugar just makes the medicine go down a lot easier. With no sugar, all you have is the stupid medicine!

O272 - He is such a cute young thing, too! How I would love to make his day! :-)

Rob - I'll have all of the above, thanks! If the lean mean fucking machine is ONLY good for that, then I think a harem would be the only answer.

4:33 PM  
Blogger LePhare2 said...

Ain't no Saint..... that for sure.

5:14 PM  
Blogger oldbear said...

Hi Emily call old OB killjoy. If you read my posts and blogs you will find I am in a somewhat similar situation where I do not get what I want sexually and fetishally (sic) but I otherwise adore my sweetie. I think people are so quick to portray sex as the ultimate deal breaker. Like if its not right its the rationale to do all sorts of crazy and stupid stuff and pretend there ought not be the expectation of ramnifications or the loss of something precious and selfless.

It appears your situation is much worse than mine in that Old dude is almost totally not interested in sex. Not just you , but in sex with any fantsy babe or movie star(which ought to be your role in his life by the way). So I sympathize with you Lady!!!!

But I wonder if he might not be terribly affected by the war and all the BS it heaped on the grunts (if he was one)and the times he grew up in, and the !@##$$##@! cursed effects of time on male arousal and erection.

Human Love and Sexuality is SO complex. But at the core of it I think people want to be loved and appreciated and feel special and sexually attractive and desireable.

For most of us this is a somewhat understandable transaction. For my two close friends who were Vietnam combat vets this natural synchronicity of love, desire,and lust is all fucked up.

You have to be the best friend of one of these guys, or his totally communicated spouse to understand just how bad that !!!$$#@xwar screwed up sexual relations for SOME of those guys.

I aint sayig big dude is one of them since i dont know him, I only sned my support and affection to you, and ask you to look best as you can to sse if that @#$$#@! war has somethng to do with his lack of desire or performance.

Sorry if I am wrong in all of this, and please remember people of character may need to fly solo more than they want in this life.

props to you, thanks, OB.

8:44 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

OldBear - I am sure that the war has everything to do with this issue, from the illnesses that have sucked out his energy and suppressed his testosterone, to his difficulty with fully accessing his own feelings.

As I understand it, he basically has no urge towards sex whatsoever. He says he doesn't even get the faintest flicker of desire when there are sex scenes in movies, etc. Even nowadays, when we are doing the tofu thing, he doesn't mind being touched as part of it, but he doesn't really want me to do anything that might lead to anything for him.

I do not think that sex is ultimately a deal breaker for me. Once upon a time it was, but being parents together makes a big difference to me, and the fact is that I do love him very much and our relationship is very good in other ways. If there was ever a potential deal breaker, it was probably infertility, but we got through that. But sometimes sex comes pretty close!

11:54 AM  

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