Saturday, September 30, 2006

Addendum to That Last Post

In case anyone is wondering, I don't think the guy is a schmuck for being low libido. Some people just are low libido, like some are high libido, and its not a character flaw or anybody's fault. I think he is a schmuck for making so little effort to meet his wife's needs.

It sounded like the sex therapy and the like was a long time ago and now he has sex with her once a year. Its him being so passive about the situation and making virtually no effort to meet her needs while claiming to love his wife that annoys me. I would have felt quite differently about the article if he had said:

Yet I have more interest in anything than in sex -- I'd rather clean out the basement than make love. So I don't really initiate, and I sometimes say no, but I try not to let her go without for long stretches. And sometimes I manage to enjoy it.

or possibly:

Yet I have more interest in anything than in sex -- I'd rather clean out the basement than make love. So once a week I go down on her or help her out with my hands. Its not my favourite activity, but I do it because I love her and I don't do it grudgingly.

or possibly:

Yet I have more interest in anything than in sex -- I'd rather clean out the basement than make love. So, by mutual agreement, she has a boyfriend on the side, purely in order to meet her sexual needs, and I don't make her feel bad about it.

67 Comments:

Anonymous Rosie said...

Wonder what the wife does have to say about the situation? Even though this was a rather public article, just as with blogs, we will probably never hear the other side. But it would be so interesting.

7:54 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

I presume that his wife is a silent sufferer, feeling trapped in a sexless marriage (and may well have her own blog - who knows eh?)

5:52 AM  
Blogger Cat said...

You make a very good point it seems odd for him to say he loves his wife then expect her to live in a sexless marriage.

8:09 AM  
Blogger O272 said...

I'd like to hear from someone with a low libido about that. Would they approve of an outsider to meet their spouse's sexual needs? I think we'd see more no's than yes's!

9:13 AM  
Blogger Dewdrop said...

0272 - Hi, I have a low libido and I say YES, and I've even put it to my husband but the 'schmuck' said no. Blast and botherations.

12:36 PM  
Blogger trueself said...

o272,
For a while I thought W, my low libido spouse, approved because he told me to do it but don't tell him about it. However, after saying that he started watching me extremely closely, questioning a lot, making me feel like he wasn't really okay with it.

7:16 PM  
Blogger freebird said...

If only people could settle on a nice practical solution like your last suggestion - and be happy with it.

6:17 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I'd say your second solution is much more practical (and best for the marriage) than the third.

But... yeah, sometimes it's just not that easy.

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