Monday, October 30, 2006

Lacklustre

Tonight was less than a complete success.

Although I do have a sense of humour about the whole incident, I was still quietly brooding over the "marital duties" remark. Then, the Big Dude wasn't feeling very good and he said "I hope this doesn't put a crimp in your evening," ie not our evening.

I offered to defer to the following night. But we pondered the number of times we've deferred just like that, with a sincere belief that it would happen the following night, and then found that somehow that night never came (and neither did I!).

So, we went ahead with our plans.

It is not easy to pinpoint exactly what went wrong - apart from the Big Dude being a tactless idiot, I mean.

But I had a hard time relaxing and letting go. I suddenly felt very self conscious. He laboured away with a good will, but it wasn't working very well. Part of it was what we were trying to do - essentially create arousal and orgasm from a standing start. It was only going to work if the mood was very conducive, and for me the mood was kind of spoiled by what he'd said. Also, he didn't... move. I had a pretty good insight tonight into why men complain about women lying there like a dead fish.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that I had three tiny orgasms, but got no release from them. I felt like one of those heart monitors you see on TV that has flat lined because the person's heart has stopped beating. Suddenly you get a tiny blip - blink and you'd have missed it - and then two more tiny blips, and then they are gone. Flat line again, with the machine emitting only a mournful beeeeeeep.

It was sooo... frustrating.

I wonder if anyone has ever bought an electric toothbrush for their teeth?

13 Comments:

Blogger trueself said...

I was finding this post very very sad. Then I read the last sentence and laughed right out loud. Keep up your sense of humor. You're going to need it.

4:50 AM  
Blogger Tajalude said...

Haha, I am right there with Trueself. It was all so painfully true, last sentence to boot! Oh, how I wish I had no empathy.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Satan said...

A for effort on your part, Em. Maybe next time it will be fireworks (and there will be nary a dead fish to be seen).

((hugs))
((a little groping))
((more hugs))

6:57 AM  
Blogger F2 said...

Wouldn't a toothbrush be a little, ummm.... *bristly* on one's girly bits?

I think that would take a whole new skill set for me!

mmmmmmm. uhhuh. *ouch* mmmmmmm...

:D

7:24 AM  
Blogger Mu Ling said...

I must regretfully acknowledge that this scenario sounds all too familiar to me, from the kindly-intentioned, unenthusiastic "offer" to the earnest, bland, unsatisfying "resolution." It's not that my husband wants to make me feel as if I'm just another chore to tick off his list. He wants to make me feel good. But it's not easy to feel good when it's all negotiated in advance, right down to the "Is this a good time? Okay, let's try to do it now," scheduling.

Ooops, sorry, my comment was all about me, me, me. I second trueself -- I'm glad you retain your sense of humor. As long as you can smile at it all, something is still working right.

8:21 AM  
Blogger LBP said...

Good advice from Trueself. Keep trying. I can think back on several times where we had made an appointment and when the appointment time came 'round, it just didn't work out very well.

The best resolutions were the ones where we were honest with each other rather than the times one or the other just carried on with the act...don't let one time get you down.

It seems from 12000 miles away that progress is being made overall, am I right?

8:42 AM  
Blogger Rob said...

Emily, tofu is all well and good but Big Dude better wise up to learn to become: (1) more tactful and, more importantly, (2) more spontaneous! Lovemaking should not be a planned in advance "marital duty" but rather a spontaneous "labor of love" - no matter how he goes about it. Wifely orgasm on command, BD? I don't think so! Sorry...

5:13 PM  
Blogger Fiona said...

amen Rob!!!

Would it really have taken so much for him to have set the mood a little before launching into the degustation?!

Not to be crude, but there are some men I've known whom I'd have gladly removed their penis (and not just because they didn't know how to use it) and settled for, and on, their tongue itself!!

You keep trucking Emily and never lose your sense of humour!!

2:44 AM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

I know the feeling (though the toothbrush thing sort of caught me off guard) Always settling and trying to be the good trooper can get old pretty darn fast. I wish you the best Emily.

9:34 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

Hmm. Yeah, not much else to say but to try again another time. If at first you don't succeed, try and try again. And again. And again.

12:23 PM  
Blogger O272 said...

Since I'm too lazy to read prior posts, I'll just ask. Was BD always serving up tofu? Or did he used to serve up steak?

1:12 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

Glad you think its funny, too, even if a little sad as well. That's how I feel.

Bad sex is not the end of the world, but of course I will talk to the BD about why things didn't go so well, because we don't want to make a habit of it!

I do think that progress is being made, overall. In fact, if you think our sex life is pathetic now, I should probably tell you that the last year has been a big improvement on the last few years - mainly due to improvements in attitude and communication on both our parts.

Yes, the BD used to serve up the steak, and he was still the best lover I ever had, in those days. Oh, he was hot stuff! But that was a long time ago, before his illnesses became fully established and increasingly complicated. Nowadays, its very much tofu or nothing, I fear. And if tofu is served up with sensitivity and love, then it is quite acceptable to me nowadays, although that hasn't always been the case!

1:47 PM  
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