Monday, May 14, 2007

Beans in a Jar

I've just been reading a post over at one of my favourite blogs. It's about the old beans in a jar theory: how when you meet someone and fall in love, you could go out and get yourself a jar and a packet of beans and, every time you have sex, put a bean in the jar. The jar will be nearly full very early on. Then get married or commit. Every time you have sex, take a bean out of the jar. You will never empty it.

So true.

And some of it is probably over-confidence. On Friday night, the Big Dude and I had a sex date. Then, through a series of unforeseeable events, we ended up having friends over for dinner that night, so we deferred to the following night. Then the next night, he wasn't well, so we deferred again. Then again. Now, of course, nothing has happened at all.

And I am annoyed at myself because, just after the dinner was over and our friends had left, my Big Dude said, assuming I was tired, "I suppose we're off for tonight?" and I said yes.

I am an idiot. I should have jumped him while I had the chance. For all I know, the next time is now weeks or months away.

Because despite having been to work, looked after a toddler, cleaned up for visitors, made a meal for six and spent the evening with friends, I really wasn't that tired. I'm never too tired to have sex.

And this is what made me laugh about that post: the reasons why the women don't want to have sex and the male thinking in response. Tertia thinks it's men who think like the words in italics but, in our case, it's me!

We are tired (They are too, they still want to shag!)

We don’t feel as great about ourselves as we used to (They don’t care! They STILL want to shag, even if we are a little broader / softer / greyer! They still want us, thank goodness.)

It’s the kids (They have kids too, but they still want to shag)

We get irritated with them for not doing enough housework / not being attentive enough / breathing (They get irritated with us too, but they still want to shag!)

They are not as romantic as they used to be (They will do romance if it will means more shagging! Will it mean more shagging??)

There isn’t enough time (They will make time! Have you got five minutes?)

We are angry with them (Well then! Let’s shag to make up!)

If you'd like to know what at least some of the women who can't be bothered to have more sex with their husbands are thinking, have a look here.


Blogger Uhave said...

Thank you, Emily for introducing me to yet another blog that I feel I need to read daily!

7:34 AM  
Blogger aphron said...

The jar analogy is a good one. It's amazing how life tends to intrude into the bedroom. The sex date thing never works for us because of what happened to you: something comes up. Of course, there could be other issues.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Tajalude said...

My husband and I tried that, only we used pennies and we kept track each year, writing down the amount on a small slip of paper in the piggy bank. Our first year was 72. Our best year was 99. I'm not sure what we were hoping to get out of this project, but it has been most depressing to us both.

7:48 PM  
Blogger kissmekate said...

Don't worry Emily, you are certainly not alone.

My husband does not have an illness but his working hours are crazy and therefore he is always tired.

Me - I am always frustrated due to NO SEX!

How wrong it is that we are women in our sexual prime and we are MISSING OUT!


1:50 AM  
Blogger Mu Ling said...

Sad irony: I feel so envious of those women who have a low libido. Why can't I be like them? They seem so fulfilled, their lives so rich. Children! House! Work!

Maybe my problem is that I don't have kids. If I had kids, would I lose interest in sex? So now I'm thinking, "Okay, I should have a baby so that I will never want sex again," which is insane.

I swear, most of the time I am just plain tired of thinking about sex. Who's having it, who's not, why I am not having more, why I can't be happier about the little I do get, how to make it better, how to settle for watching it get worse, blah blah blah.

I've gotten bored with the whole mess.

Great link. Thanks for pointing me to it.

12:33 PM  

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