IVF 4: Hope?

I had a surprise phone call from our IVF specialist, the Wizard of Oz today

The immediate news is good. We can do an IVF cycle with a flare protocol next month and he will keep the drugs at a nice high level.

The rest is less good. He suspects the reason we are getting such a poor result is that I am running out of eggs. Although I am only 37 years old, my results indicate that I may be hurtling towards an early menopause. He added helpfully that the menopause may take 5 years or 1 month - sometimes it's all over incredibly fast.

Have I mentioned that, for the first time in my life, I seem to have skipped a period? Sometimes after an IVF cycle, its a week or so late, but now its almost two weeks and I'm wondering if it is going to turn up at all. A chill went through me when he said it could happen in just one month.

And I still just can't believe it. I look in the mirror and I look so young. My big age-related issue in my normal life is ensuring that people take me seriously - that they realize I am Dr Emily, Serious Career Woman and Scary Management Type, and not a 22 year old student.

But I am plunged into gloom. I still have the bruises on my belly from my last attempt, and now somehow after this chain of events and this conversation I am supposed to go into the next cycle with some kind of hope.

How am I supposed to summon up the hope?