Back to the Sex

I'm pretty sure my regular readers are wondering what has happened to the sex theme of this blog. The reason I haven't been blogging about it is that the Big Dude and I haven't done particularly well this year, but it hasn't mattered as much as it usually does.

We started well, or at least better than usual. From memory, I think we had sex about once a month right up to April. Once a month is not very much, but it's better than usual is my point. Then it fizzled, probably as the IVF tooks its usual toll.

Actually, I missed it less than you might think. When it seems like almost everybody has had a chance to get close to my vagina lately, lack of sex is less of an issue. Over time, also, the sap sinks. I stop having expectations. I go to bed at night and all I expect is a good long sleep. Actually, it feels like my body is kind of asleep in general.

But we started again this week, and it was good. We made love with surprising enthusiasm and passion, so apparently we still have some kind of sexual connection.

Now the Big Dude wants to share a bedroom. I explained that I was not keen - he is hard to sleep with, due to his sleeping disorder and Vietnam-related nightmares. We simply don't sleep as well when we are in the same bed. I quite like my time alone.

Since he was pressing me, I gave him the real reason: I do not like to sleep with a naked man who I love who is not interested in having sex with me. It hurts. It's painful. It's tantalising. It's impossible to lie there next to him and not wish that things were different. If he wanted me to sleep in the same bed as him, he would have to make a lot more effort in that direction. The idea lapsed.

Now he wants me to move my bed into his room. I said, "You will have to hold up your end of the bargain", and he said, "You just try to keep up".

Promises, promises. I don't believe him. But I will give it a try. And you never know...