Honesty

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

Okay, can I have a whinge now? Like I ever stopped! That is the function of this blog, after all. Venting. Pissing and moaning. Giving me an outlet so that I can go on doing what I do without complaining so much in "real life".

Now, Cat's blog sometimes hints at a yearning for honesty. This seems to be a very common theme in blogs. But honesty is kind of a sore point around here.

Sometimes I wonder if the modern Western world has shot itself in the foot, with its modern companionate marriage where everyone shares their feelings. It seems like, once upon a time, being a good partner was mostly about fulfilling responsibilities, focusing on children and sexual fidelity. As long as you were sexually faithful, as long as you held up your end of the work, you were a good husband or wife (I'm not sure that people could be a good de facto). People may not have liked it, but they knew what they were supposed to do.

Now its about emotional intimacy, which requires honesty. A good partner pretty much does all the former things, but they also share their feelings. A good partner is honest. They don't keep their thoughts to themselves. I agree with this change, in many ways. But sometimes the honesty part is just plain overrated.

I get all the honesty I want around here, and usually way more than I want.

The tactlessness of the Big Dude about "marital duties" the other night was not a one-off. The fact is that the man is incorrigibly honest. This is mostly a good thing. I like the fact that I always know where he stands. I like that there are no lies or evasions or other mind-games. But he routinely takes it way too far.

For instance, if you ask virtually any other man that immortal question, "Does my bum look big in this?", regardless of the actual size of the bottom, he will give the correct reply:

No, your bum does not look big in that. It never looks big in anything. I am stunned by the smallness of your bottom. It is so small that I often wonder how you manage to sit on it without falling over.

Because these other men are smart and they are willing to fudge the truth. They know the consequences of the wrong answer. They know that, if you want days of womanly wrath and the opportunity to hear some home truths about yourself, just go right ahead and tell your partner her bum looks big.

If you ask the Big Dude that question, he will give you a big grin and say, "I love every acre."

Yes, I know. Its funny. Unless he is talking about your bottom. The bottom that is a part of your body, which is routinely rejected in the most confidence-crushing and soul-destroying way. I laughed for about five seconds - until the pain hit, and I had to cry.

I get a lot of these barbed remarks that are supposed to be funny, and sometimes are, but which also sound like criticisms. A lot of the time, I do laugh. But sometimes it gets me down. Just at the moment, I am working really long hours and trying to prepare to move house, too. I am tired, I am overstretched, I really need encouragement and I am getting jokes at my expense.

Maybe I would have more of a sense of humour if I wasn't so sexually frustrated and downright pissed off.

We have plenty of honesty around here. We're all stocked up on honesty of the most brutal kind. What we could do with is a little more sensitivity and smarts. A little more kindness and tact on certain subjects. A little more of the brain and the mouth being engaged at the same time.