Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Blogging is Good

Another reason why blogging is good: sometimes you get the feeling you are not the only one in the world with your problem, with your darkest and most horrible thoughts, and just knowing that helps at least a little bit.

From a blog called Life, Death and Love I have been reading:

I've lived long enough for people close to me to die, and they've died too soon, too young, too late and too lonely. I've lived long enough to see unimaginable abuse, to know people's most secret failures, and see people's most dreaded of fears come to pass. I've seen rejection, handicaps, natural disaster and unnatural annihilation.

In it all I believed in the integrity and love of God but many times at the expense of my own integrity: I denied much of what was rolling and raging in me because I believed. I truly wanted to believe the problem of evil was all a matter of perspective, the glass is half full. But it was a thin blanket against a bitter cold because smiling at and affirming the fullness does not do away with the emptiness, there is still the place where there is absence. Nor is it the "half full" that is the true issue really, it is the fact of any emptiness at all in the face of a God who seems to promise fullness or at least has the power to deliver it but sometimes does and sometimes does not.

I sometimes think it would be easier if he consistently did nothing. There would be a certain comfort to be had in even that hopeless predictability, but I've seen God both show up and stand people up without so much as a clue why.

So true.

Apparently, this was a long time ago for this guy. Now, he seems pretty happy and fulfilled, his faith largely restored to him and motivating him to help others. So maybe there is hope for me yet.

Maybe I just have to hang on.

3 Comments:

Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Pascal said, "[We see] too much to deny and not enough to affirm," and, "What can be seen on earth indicates neither the total absence, nor the manifest presence of divinity, but the presence of a hidden God. . . to know that one has lost something, one must see and not see. . ."

The 'absences of God' are both frustrating and terrifying. One can speculate until one's dying day as to why it should be so. But for myself, I've known enough of Him to know that there's no going back on it now; "though He slay me, yet will I love Him. . ." (sigh)

Hang in there, Em.

6:18 AM  
Blogger s-p said...

Hi Emily,
Steven Paul here. I'm touched that my blog has touched you. Yes it was a long time ago in years, but is ever present in the heart. Pain shapes us as well as joy, the Potter's hands leave a mark and we cannot recover from it but eventually see the shape He is forming in us by what He has cut off and what He has pushed and shaped in His providence. We might think we made a mistake, and perhaps we did, but in the hands of God the mistakes become part of the shape of our life and we are molded into a peculiar vessel for God's use. Yes my life has changed but happiness does not come in circumstances as much as it comes within us as we offer our circumstances to Him. "Pithless Thoughts" is less thematic than "Life, Death and Love" because it is just daily stuff. But it also chronicals us taking care of my wife's father in our house, who recently died of Parkinsons. Life is unpredictable and so is God. I'm glad you got a "warm breeze" for a few moments recently. May God show up for you when you need Him.s

7:14 PM  
Blogger Lickety Split said...

Emily,

You are so much stronger than you believe yourself to be. God doesn't give us burdens that we cannot bear; (even if it doesn't seem so)

A big virtual hug to you.

XOXOXO

9:07 PM  

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