Counselling I

I saw my counsellor. It was very good. I instinctively liked and trusted her and I was surprised by how much we covered in a first session.

Aftewards, though, I felt like an outer layer of skin had been pealed off. I suddenly felt very exposed and vulnerable with only that new, pink underlying layer between me and the world. Such a thin barrier didn't feel like enough to protect me.

As soon as I walked out of that session, I thought, This is why people avoid counselling.

And for some reason, an image of crab meat and a shady rock kept coming into my mind. I didn't know why. I know nothing about crabs. I don't even eat them.

But now that I have looked them up, I begin to suspect why. Apparently, crabs grow by shedding their outgrown hard shell. All they have for a little while afterwards is a soft shell and this leaves them very open to a world full of predators. So they hide under a rock or bury themselves in the sand until their new, larger hard shell grows.

I have to discard that outer shell or I won't grow. It feels safe, it feels predictable, but I can't grow unless I shed it and endure this vulnerability. My protection would become my cramped little prison.

But I do need to go scuttle under a rock for a few days.