Looking Again

I always think my life is boring. But sometimes, if I look again more closely, I see something more.

First, the Big Dude and I finally had one of those conversations I have been wanting to have. And I give him full credit. The things I was telling him were anxiety-inducing even for a person who doesn't have a stress disorder like PTSD. At first, he sat there unwillingly with a look of anger, defensiveness and anxiety. But then, his essential decency and his love for me partly overcame that. He listened, we talked, he hugged me. He also suggested some Naked Time.

Unfortunately, the Naked Time hasn't happened yet. We are still living like brother and sister. Since I put any sexual interraction between us into my blog, alert readers with photographic memories will know that there has been nothing since November. But at least we are living like a brother and sister who love and understand each other rather than like a brother and sister who live on different planets.

Then, blogland. Well, it's not every week that my habit of speaking my mind is greeted with the implication that my thoughts can be the voice of God but also the voice of a heretic and an unbeliever.

Oh, well. Not everyone shares my appreciation of biblical criticism and of Tennyson's In Memoriam AHH:

There is more faith in honest doubt,
Believe me, than in half the creeds

And after all, I find that I don't much mind being called a heretic. I mean, since people like Charles Darwin, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci and Copernicus were all called heretics in their day, it could be considered a huge compliment. And now that Ali, the Undercover Nerd is forming a heretics club for cool chicks, it is even more appealing. I am quite pleased that no one can burn us at the stake, any more, though.

But my favourite moment of the week came this morning. My Little Dude, who has so far shown no interest in stacking blocks, building leggo towers and the like (he has only been interested in knocking them down), suddenly decided to casually build a leggo tower four blocks high.

Now, this is one of those moments where parents show just how deluded they are in their adoration of their children. To me, it was like watching someone who has never previously picked up a paintbrush suddenly making a start on the Sistine Chapel. I was more than excited - I was awed. My kid is clearly a genius!

I am already hoping this means he will ultimately decide to become an enginer or join some other high-earning profession. Then he can afford to keep his mum and dad in the luxury we'd like to become accustomed to.

This is also our last week in our cramped little flat in the bad neighbourhood before we move into our beautiful new house.

And tomorrow, I will have my first appointment with a counsellor.

Suddenly, my life seems full of event and interest. Maybe I should make a habit of always looking again.