Getting My Life Back

I have been buried deep in work and post-IVF indulgence. I tend to be fairly self-indulgent in times of crisis. Got an IVF cycle in two months time? Definitely have that coffee, those glasses of wine, that takeaway, that break from the exercise routine now, while I still can.

It sounds okay, but in reality it tends to prolong the sense of crisis when the crisis itself is actually over. If I am still swilling coffee and wine and not getting any exercise weeks after an IVF cycle, then it feels like I am still somehow stuck in that failed cycle. If I am still working extra hours when the peak of that high workload is over, then I am still stuck in the habits of a phase that I should be moving on from.

In rare, quiet moments I have had this thought in the back of my mind: "I want my life back. I want to be catching the bus to work again, instead of taking the car. I want to be eating well and not drinking too much. I want to be walking in the sun instead of holed up in an office. I want to spend time with my Dudes instead of working late."

So here I am, taking a couple of flex days off work and enjoying watching my boy ride around in the winter sunlight. I'm eating better food, not buying more wine and swiming and walking again. The Big Dude and I even had sex again, and it was good.

I feel good. I feel like I am getting my life back.