Sunday, November 12, 2006

Mummy's Here

When my Little Dude seems particularly tired or fed up or frightened, I pick him up and give him a kiss and say, "Its alright now, darling, mummy's here".

Well, now my own mum is here.

I love my mum. I also like her a lot. And now she has MOVED HERE so that she can enjoy her first (and probably only) grandchild!!!

And oh, yes, I am very happy about this.

We have a grand scheme to move in together, our little family in the main house and mum in a granny flat. I know, its fraught with peril. Interfering mother alert. We should leave our parents and cleave to our partner. In a way, I agree. And I was always proud of the fact that I left home at 18 years old and have lived independently since then.

But it would solve so many problems for us. It would enable us to live in a permanent home with a back yard for the Little Dude. There would be some adult company for me when the Big Dude is too sick to be good company. There would be someone the Little Dude loves and trusts to mind him so that the Big Dude and I can have date nights again and actually have some romantic time together.

But the greatest thing it would give us is another able-bodied adult in this family. The lovely Rob put his finger on a big issue for us when he asked if we didn't have any relatives or friends who could help out from time to time. The fact is that we haven't had that and its been a problem. I have never minded hard work. I don't even really mind being the main breadwinner and the nurse and the mummy and running the household. Its a lot of work but, luckily, I have always had a lot of energy.

But sometimes doing it all seems like a high-wire act and I'm juggling all the way. The problem is the lack of a safety net. Sometimes I stumble a little and get a sobering insight into what might happen to my little family if I ever fell.

I have been quietly worrying about our grand scheme for weeks, now, asking myself constantly if I am doing the right thing as my mum sold her house and moved here. But now she is here, things are already getting easier.

I have been so tired, lately. And last night, my mum held me and stroked my hair. When I was a little girl, my mum had a great way of stroking my hair that I found uniquely comforting. I've tried to teach the Big Dude how to do it, but he doesn't quite get it and its not the same - he has other talents! But last night, my mum was stroking my hair and I just felt my whole body and soul breathe out and relax.

Its all alright, now. Mummy's here.


Blogger freebird said...

Hi Emily, I'm sure you and your Mum get on fine and she will be a help to you, but PLEASE make sure you have your own space and privacy when you need it. Granny flat sounds great - but any more 'together' than that sets very loud alarm bells ringing, for me anyway.

2:58 AM  
Blogger Satan said...

It sounds like such a great relief to have your Mum around to help. Hope it works out for you. Maybe she could give the Big Dude hair-stroking lessons?

5:40 AM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

Sounds great to me. My mom lives in a similar situation with my sister (though they don;t have any little dude's any more) and it has worked out great.

8:25 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be."

Has anyone else read that book? I think my Mom gave it to me when I moved away from home. That's just the picture I got in my head when you wrote about your Mom stroking your hair...

8:32 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:32 AM  
Blogger C-Marie said...

Sounds like a blessing!

9:48 AM  
Blogger O272 said...

Hope it works out well, Emily! :)

1:03 PM  
Blogger Rob said...

Thanks for the nice mention, Emily. I can so relate to your situation up to now with your little guy. When our kids were your Little Dude's age we moved quite far away from friends and family. There were many times when having our parents around to lend a hand with the kids would have been much appreciated. Such was never the case. Fortunately we weren't as hard put as you and the Big Dude are at times, given his health, but I'm sure we would all appreciate such additional help at times. Hence my suggestion made earlier to you and I'm very happy that it looks like a win-win-win arrangement for all of you. I bet your mom is just glowing with happiness these days.

3:58 PM  
Blogger shattered said...

I know exactly how difficult it is when you do not have family around. It is tough, particularly when all you need is that motherly hug.

I hope everything works out for you and your family with this new arrangement.

In the meantime, Emily I have a new home! If you would like details feel free to email me (link on profile page!)

Take care

4:02 PM  
Blogger LePhare said...

We've invited my mother for Christmas, but I am expecting it to become permanent. She's becoming increasingly frail and we won't be able to travel in the not too distant future.

We in the western world seem to have forgotten how to look after our old folk. I'm not worried about problems. I'm sure we can over come anything that arises.

Hope it works out for you, as I'm sure it will.

5:06 PM  
Blogger oldbear said...

Hi Emily, my MIL lives about 50 feet away and and has since about year two of our 17 year marriage.

Its great. I would not have it any other way!

No one else on this street locks thier doors during the day.

We always have ;-) ,and I told every body why when we moved in.

It will be great! OB

10:37 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

The 'granny flat' (a much more colorful term than 'mother-in-law apartment') is a great idea. Every instance of it that I've seen has worked wonderfully well; just the right balance of contact and 'personal space'.

As fortunate as I've been in my choice of a wife, I'm almost as fortunate in the mother-in-law that came with her. Since Molly's dad died a few years ago, we've let it slip to her mom that, if and when she wants, we'd love to have her move in with us, but I think she'd like to see a few more of our kids move out before she seriously considers it. So far, she just quotes Monty Python to us - "I'm not dead yet!"

7:45 AM  
Blogger freebird said...

I was beginning to think I was the real baddie here, but then a few other comments started to filter in to balance things out slightly (just love OB's subtlety!). I just said what I did because I feel really strongly that I WISH someone had given me that advice when we moved in with my MIL. But then I was very much younger and less experienced than you at the time. I do know some people whose sex lives have been completely killed by the proximity of a parent or in-law though. Please be warned. Love and peace to you, Emily.

3:03 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

No, I've been surprised by the positivity about this idea, because the private space issue is a biggie. To tell you the truth, I have been putting off blogging about this, partly because I didn't want to risk being talked out of it until I'd had a chance to think about it by myself for a while.

The three of us have spent a lot of time lately talking it through - eg, no uninvited visits to each others' houses (regular Sunday lunch instead), private courtyard for mum, a little wall built between the houses, etc etc.

Its a real risk, I know. But I can't tell you how tiny this flat seems now, with a little active toddler in it, doing laps of the loungeroom. Not to mention the bad neighbourhood - I'm a little frightened the Beautiful Boy might step on a needle.

And, oh, the idea that there is someone else here - you know, I don't think I realized how anxious I was about the lack of a safety net until I had one!

3:22 PM  

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