He's Gone

I had one of those emails from my dad a few weeks ago: one of those send-money-immediately e-mails.

My heart sank. Regular readers will know that this has happened before - in fact, over and over again. The first stage of these dramas with dad is always a request for some money. The second stage is a request for even more money. The third stage is the news that he is stuck in jail somewhere in Asia and it will take thousands of dollars and endless running around to get him out.

My dad is now so hopelessly grandiose and demanding that he doesn't even have the sense to keep people who are trying to help him on his side. He went to the Australian Embassy for help. When he didn't get what he wanted right away, he demanded to see the consul. When the consul came down, genuinely attempting to investigate his case, dad punched him in the face and had to be escorted off the premises by security.

But also, he has finally alienated my sister, who is the one person who has stuck by him all these years and kept saving him from himself. They had a huge argument after the last time this happened and she is barely speaking to him.

Previously, my sister has rescued dad every time, even when she has said she won't. This time, she did finally succeed in drawing a line. She refused to give him any of her own money and simply sent him a card by which he could access the amount he'd asked for (but no more) from his own bank account in Australia. She also told him there would be no more.

I have been quietly worrying about him since then. I have told myself over and over again that I can't allow him to manipulate me any more, and that I need to support my sister in taking a stand, but its been difficult, wondering if he is safe. Until today, the last I'd heard was that he was sleeping rough outside the local police station for his own safety.

And the latest news is only partly good. The embassy says that dad has accessed his money and also his pension and appears to be in no further trouble. Stages 2 and 3 have not (yet) been reached. He has also told them that he plans to live in Cambodia permanently.

I should be pleased. He is safe and apparently okay and out of my hair. I don't have that problem to deal with any more. Now that he knows there is no money coming from us, I suspect that he won't even bother to stay in contact. My dad is not the type to hang around just for emotional conversations.

But instead, I just feel very sad. He's gone. He's gone for good. I will probably never fully reconcile with him now and never resolve those jumbled feelings of love and rage, guilt and frustration.

He's gone.