IVF Cyle 2: Ambiguous

I have been semi-assuming this IVF cycle will be cancelled due to the pathetic results of the first scan.

There has been a kind of relief in the idea of just cancelling this one, giving it up as a bad joke, and getting on with the rest of my life until next time. My specialist increased the dose of stimulation drugs, but I really have been thinking it is too late to save this cycle.

I steeled myself to expect very little when I lay down in the stirrups yesterday.

But in fact, the result was kind of ambiguous. Four follicles this time, and reasonably close together in size, which means they are more likely to mature around the same time.

It's possible that we might get four mature eggs, which would achieve exactly what I originally wanted: two for the cycle and two to freeze for another attempt later, which would give us more chances. The thought makes the whole horrible experience seem worthwhile.

Of course, its also possible that the two smaller follicles won't catch up, giving us only two eggs at most. I genuinely don't know what I will do if that's the case. It sounds okay to say cancel and wait for a better result, but, at almost 37 years old, a better result can't be counted on.

All I can do now is wait, and even waiting won't necessarily tell me the right thing to do.